Random thoughts

I'm still sick. Sore throat. Exhausted. Frustrated. Slept a lot today. Got a new pair of running shoes and a new running water bottle. Zoomed through Paleo Diet for Athletes. Very simple diet. Lean meats, seafood, fruits, veggies and nuts. The harder part is eating at the right times, making the food interesting. I hate cooking. Watched some IRONCHEF AMERICA today. Wow....now they can cook. I am amazed by their skill and creativity. Stomach art. Interesting. My left leg keeps getting tingly, like it's going numb. Have to go see Dr.Sande tomorrow to see if I can get the adjustment to take care of it. Damn it. I don't want to drive all the way down there, but I really like him and trust him and like his business ethics. Ate like crap today a bit--ramen noodles. Was craving salt and carbs. Delicious! What a gross food to love. Been sleeping a lot, dreaming a lot. Sometimes I dream so much I feel like I don't sleep all night. For three years I have been collecting recycling and shredding paper. Yesterday I went through three boxes of paperwork. Today I shredded a huge box of stuff and recycled another bag of stuff. There are still two boxes of stuff I made today (from the recycling bag) that I have to go through to determine what needs shredding. A better system is in the making! I don't like having to shred all that shit, but it's worth it if I have a better system in place for the future. Haven't consistently worked out for two weeks. This sucks. I am sitting here watching myself spiraling out of control with gaining weight and eating, but I have little energy to do much about it. Granted, I could be eating right. I have been meaning to have a conversation with myself.

Now is as good of a time as any, right? Getting needled tomorrow. Still not sure if I will make it in to work or not. Fatigue hits me like a ton of bricks, out of nowhere. I sleep when that happens, but how can I sleep at work? I guess I could sleep in the car if I get that tired. Not really wanting to stay home tomorrow, but part of me thinks I should. Will leave it up to tomorrow and see how I feel.

About weight---ah yes. Losing weight is hard. It's simple, but hard. Calories in and calories out. Proper nutrition for health. Water. Adequate exercise. Logging and journaling and accountability to self and my goals. I guess I want it to be easy. Looking back at last year when I was at Anti-gym, I remember that it was hard, but it was worth it. I was soooo proud of myself! I worked hard, had fun, ate better, drank a ton of water, but most important--I committed. I admire commitment .

So it takes planning, tracking, commitment, heart, hard work, focus, and dedication. It takes working out HARD and intensely. At least for me. Endomorphic body type---I think that's what I am.

Protein, carbs and fat. What is the right combo? Does losing weight signify success? I ask this because I was reading Paleo for Athletes and they have one theory, Zone has another, weight lifters have one, gyms have one.......which is right? It's not that people don't want to eat right, we just don't know which way is right!! I would like to go off wheat and dairy and see how I feel. As an athlete I would say that I am addicted to quick fix foods--gels, bars, drinks, etc. I haven't really been using real food properly.

So what does all of this look like? I don't know for sure yet.

1. Weigh weekly only
2. Drink 96 oz of water every day. 96 is three nalgenes so it's easy to remember.
3. Reduce salt intake. Learned it is bad for exercise induced asthma!! Go figure. I was eating more salt to take care of the headaches I get when working out from asthma, and salt makes the asthma worse!
4. Prepare and eat clean meals--lean meat/fish, veggies, fruits, nuts
5. Track intake. Log nutrition, water, vitamins, and workouts.
6. Do my PT exercises every day.
7. COMMIT to EXCELLENCE in eating.

I loved being a small size, with muscles, low body fat, and WAY MORE self-confidence. I liked myself for committing, for following through and for doing it. I was a role model. Now I feel like nothing. I want to show people that normal people can do this. Most of all I want to feel successful and bad ass again.

How do I do it?
The only way is to start. Draw a line in the sand. I like to start in the morning, but you can start any time. I will start tomorrow. I will eat clean. I will drink 96 oz of water. I don't think I will be working out. No--I won't be working out as I'm getting needled. I need to add weights to my routine.

Working out. I realize I am probably asking for sickness again. How to balance all of my exercise..that is the question.

Running 5 times a week. 2 days of intervals, 2 days of pace and one extremely long run
Karate--class one night a week for two hours
Crossfit--two times a week minimum
Weights--I would also like two days of weights in there---for my mental health.

Eric is having shoulderr surgery in a few weeks so I'm not sure how everything will change. The third week I will have to drive him to work, so we'll see how to get in everything around that schedule.

I could run on lunch, take an extended lunch. I can run/lift in the mornings before work. Tuesday/Thursday mornings I run/lift at the gym. (Assuming I can make myself get out of bed!)

I'm positive that part of my burnout is due to poor nutrition. I was putting a heavy burden on my body and not feeding it properly.

Anyway, I am almost out of things to say now. Whew. That was nice....