Checkin in

So many days fly by between posts!!!

After my last few posts, I managed to clean out my closet, get caught up on my laundry, clean my counter off, go through all my shit under the kitchen sink, and clean out the guest bedroom. That felt great!! I also managed to order photos and put them in frames to one day hang up---they will be the first true photos we hang up in our house....after 3.5 years of being here. We're slow. :)

Today I sat in a leadership development class. I was picked to be one of four people from our organization to be placed in this group. It's great, but it's going to be A CRAP LOAD of extra work. Why do I do this to myself?

I finished class 2 of 7 for my project management certification through the VA. I'll probably take some time off before I start class three. Working a ton, doing this new leadership thing, trying to get to the gym, and a number of other random things makes it hard to control my schedule. Right now I am exhausted. Got home from training at 415, took a nap until 615, then went to meet some coworkers for a few hours to work on a major project that's due soon (I forgot to metion that I am in training for two weeks!!), and now I am about to spend a few more hours working in VISIO--building my first flow chart in VISIO.

Came to the realization, again today, that I HAVE to eat well. HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO. Eating poorly is not only horrible for my body, but also for my mind! Way bad on me mentally. I went to the store tonight and bought good food, came home, washed it, and packaged it, so I can eat fruit and veggies during class tomorrow instead of Rice Krispy Treats, yogurt, and cookies. :)

I am coming up on a big changing point in ym life. I am either going to accept where I am with my job and my life, or I am going to change it. I miss feeling at peace.

Okay, on to working! Good night!

Working out while you are sick??

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/03/10/too.sick.to.work.out/index.html

Can't sleep

I stayed home from work today with bad cold/sore throat, cough, tired body syndrome. I was supposed to cleanse, but didn't. I started out the morning with a salt water flush, then wondered why was I going to cleanse in the middle of needing Mucinex and Benedryl? Duh. After 4 hours of cleansing, I had some soup. I will get there again, just not today. Maybe not even tomorrow. After resting quite a bit, I feel better energy-wise, but the stuffy nose and cough are still there.

I've taken two days off training. Everyone always tells me not to work out when Im sick. So I didn't. BUT--when I don't work out I feel like crap mentally....then I want to eat...blah blah blah. So tomorrow I am going to go to running clinic and then go indoor cycle some, easy. Sunday I will go run drills again and go to the nutrition talk for CWW.

I don't feel like I am part of the team. Probably because I never go to practices. That happens because I always feel like I'm on the go, since my commute is is at least 1.5 hours a day total. Must get over that. Shit, I must get over a lot.

My husband is in bed and thinks I am there, too. Instead, I am down here trying to clear my head, trying to make peace with myself.

Today sucked. Not like being at work sucky, but having to rest a bunch due to being sick. There are so many things around the house I NEED to do to make my life orderly and organized, and I never do it!! I hate chores--and I see a lot of stuff as a chore. But I can do some things even though I hate them. Like what??

My Jeep needs to be cleaned out--there are wrappers everywhere and a weeks' worth of random shit all over the front seat. I don't know how to keep my car clean. Very draining either way.

The garage needs to be cleaned out, on two levels. One, all of my shit that came out of the Jeep last week, and second, all the stuff that needs to be donated and I would soooo like to have a pretty, organized garage.

The front room needs to have my boxes of shit removed--a suitcase, a clothes hamper, and a box--all full of papers that I keep, and books, and all kinds of shit.

My bedroom needs to be reorganized and I MUST go through all the piles on the floor. DRIVES ME NUTS but going through it drives me nuts too.

I need to clean off my bathroom sink and the floor of all of my stuff. I have two sets of most things--one for my gym bag and one for home. You would think I could at least be organized for that. Nope. Shit everywhere.

My closet, again, needs to be cleaned out, all my clothes washed, hung up, etc....I HATE a messy closet, but yet I make mine messy ALL THE FREAKING time.

My brain is chaotic. My space is chaotic. I feel constantly on the verge of being too overwhelmed. BUT SOME OF IT IS MADE UP!! I don't know how to tell the difference between what I make up and what is real.

WHY CANT I KEEP THINGS ORDERLY AND ORGANIZED? Even the meds don't help as well as I was hoping for this! :)

I also have a project management class that I am taking online that has to be completed soon. That's been on my mind. There is one assignment that I am dreading, so it hasn't been completed yet. Only 9 more days to complete that class and take the final. Nervous about that, too.

Additionally, I can't get work off my mind--how much there is to do, how angry and frustrated I am with the place, frustrated that I can't seem to get the job I want, angry that I have so little faith in the words of people.

I'm frustrated because I am not doing my PT religiously. MUST start that tomorrow. I need a schedule! Should be easy, right? No kids, lots of freedom. Honestly, my head is full all the time, and that makes me feel overwhelmed, and then I can't follow a schedule to save myself from drowning. Weak ass excuse! I know.

So what do I need to do to get all of this done?

PT
Drills with CWW
BBQ for CF
Weekly schedule for working out/CF
Friends
Cook/portion
Laundry
PM class
bookmarks for twilight
clean kitchen
clean front room out


I can seriously make the list go on and on and on. I hate this part of my OCD mind.

I want to sleep, really. :)

I want to feel HAPPY again. It's not that I am unhappy, but more like numb. I have to pull myself out of this and get on with the show.

I want to feel like a triathlete again. Instead I feel lazy and unmotivated and out of control. JUST FOLLOW THE PLAN. That's all I can do right now. I try not to think too much about it, and just do it. All I have to do is do what I am told and the exercise/training will work. But I have to deal with the mental/emotional side.

I didn't think Eric being gone most of the week, every week, bothered me that much. I'm starting to think that maybe it is doing something to my mind that I am not aware of. People have told me that I sound down. Well, there are days, but it's not because Eric is gone. Hmmm...I don't know.

Maybe I need a sprint. Actually, I'll just do the sprint rehearsals. That will be fun. Maybe get me back in the groove.

The Benedryl is kicking in. Hopefully my eyes will close soon....

Time to cleanse again, already....

I am starting another master cleanse tomorrow. I wasn't going to do one for a LONG time (as it's kind of hard to do). BUT---with the surgery, I'm sure I'm more than toxic, I'm sick (again), and my body doesn't want good food--only sugary foods. Good indication that it's time to cleanse.

Not sure how long I'm going for--I suppose I will know when I'm toxic-less enough. I also have some schedules to set and learn to stick to--training in the morning, PT at lunch, laundry on the weekends. Sounds simple, but it's hard for me to be structured, even though I want nothing more than to be that!

A "real" workout week!

Taking three weeks off of sports activity is both wonderul and painful. It's nice to find that there is more to life than running and lifting. I painted sun catchers (with one hand), made a wedding scrapbook for a friend (even with shoulder surgery), I bought some coloring books and markers and twistable crayons. I played. It was super. Oh, and I wrote a really long story that ends up to be three chapters of a little novel I am attempting to write. Butmy most favorite thing I did--i read the TWILIGHT saga in one week. IT WAS FABULOUS!

But, here we are today, and my childish play is over for the most part for most of the year! I anticipate a few more scrapbook parties, etc, but now it's time to run, swim, bike, lift, stretch, drill, change tires, cram into a wetsuit, get green hair from chlorine, and invest in multiple pairs of shoes. Somehow, that all sounds pretty exciting afterall. Whew. Maybe I am cut out for this life after all! HA!

Sunday I biked (stationary) for 45 minutes. Monday I went to CrossFit (and ended up running and doing squats). Today I made it to the gym and ran for 40 minutes. I was running 10 min/mile, and at 40 minutes I started to get dizzy, so I stepped off. No sense in passing out this early in the season.

All in all, not bad for returning from sitting on my ass having art class.

Gotta go now. I have some work to do and then get to bed early. I am attempting to swim tomorrow--not sure what time yet...oh yes, after work. I'll be working early in the morning. This is exciting---not even four weeks after surgery and I will be swimming!!! Doc said it would be around 6 weeks, so my healing is strong.

Oh, speaking of that. Physical therapy. Holy CRAP! I was told last year that physical therapy is part of my training, not a side thing. My PT told me if I don't do the exercises, I will not make it to IMAZ09. So.....One day I have about 13 shoulder exercises. The next day I have lower body and core (ankles, knees, SI Joint, hips, IT Band). <--no joke. Triathlon is seriously painful on my body. BUT, whatever. Everyone hurts somewhere and at sometime. I was told to get over it. It is what it is.

Hope training is going well for you all out there in blogger-land!

Goodnight!

And time marches on....

I have MISSED blogging! It's a past time I don't let myself do often because it feels like I should be doing more "important" things that recapping my life digitally...but I love doing it...so here I am. I can't stay long--have to go do some work.

On February 18 I had shoulder surgery at the advice of my 5 time Ironman surgeon. He said I probably wouldn't make it through the season, and by the July I couldn't have the surgery. So I've been out for three weeks now to kick ass later. I had a small tear, a bone spur and a nasty acromion hook. All better now. I ran today for the first time. Did 5 x 400m runs with max air squats between (at Crossfit). It kicked my ass. Shoulder is still tight and makes me run lopsided, but it's better than not being able to run. Only had a little bit of pain. Nothing major.

Saw Pete this past weekend. The topic this month to fix was my lack of motivation and lack of a plan (time schedule). For two days I have made my workouts, done my PT, and hit my water goals. It's time to get serious, right now. I had to have him set me straight. He did, kindly and compassionately. I chuncked my day into three pieces--morning, midday and night. I found I have way more time than I thought. I just have to "Weed my garden" and get rid of the unnecessary stuff. It is a sacrifice I must make.

I am still in a job I don't like, but I'm working on that. Today was a "hopeless' day at work, but tomorrow won't be. It's a pattern for me. Off and on.

Anyway, I am back and so glad! Time to start hitting the roads, the trails, and the lanes. It's time to get excited and back in the groove!

off to do some work--an indication of my unbalanced life, for today.